


Ikebana

by cledritch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, AU of an AU, Allergies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings Realization, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Soulmate-Identifying Flower Crowns, Taeyong is Whipped, Unconventional Relationship, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Winwin needs to be Protected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 07:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cledritch/pseuds/cledritch
Summary: Taeyong doesn't have flowers around his head, doesn't have his emotions showcased around in a bouquet on someone else's head. But that's alright. This was what made him closer to Sicheng without the fear of setting his allergies off and it was comforting for Sicheng to bury his head on Taeyong's hair without fearing he'll inhale pollen.It was easy to forget when they were together. To forget that Sicheng had a soulmate and Taeyong didn't have one where their flowers could expose how in love he was with the boy.(Or Five Times Taeyong held his feelings back and One time Sicheng didn't.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tell Me Your Bouquet's Story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749471) by [cledritch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cledritch/pseuds/cledritch). 



> Have some angst. Recommend listening to Quiet by Lights. This is the "Taewin What-If" where Johnny doesn't move out of Chicago.

"Do you have your medication? Or do I have to buy you some?" Taeyong's voice snapped Sicheng out of his thoughts about the homework he needed to finish, blinking at his spoonful of tteokbokki that the elder had graciously made for him halfway to his mouth and ate it, gaze turning to Taeyong who was holding up an inhaler to him for some reason.

He doesn't know why he's not surprised at this but he's disappointed that Taeyong would think he needed that in the isolated part of the courtyard they had chosen because there weren't flowers near and the quietness of the place made the meal more delicious for him. "Why are you holding that?" he deadpanned as Taeyong flushed, tucking the item back into his bag's front pocket. Sicheng held back the laughter at the way he fumbled with the zipper with another spoonful of delicious meat that's seasoned to perfection.

"You stopped eating. I was worried." The black-haired male said in a quiet voice that Sicheng couldn't hear him at first but he made him repeat it and he reveled at how flustered Taeyong got when he stared at him.

"You're always worried. It's okay, I would tell you if I felt anything out of the ordinary so please don't think too much." he reassured him with a grin, shoulders bumping when he leaned over Taeyong to brush the stray eyelash on his cheek.

Sicheng went back to eating, ignoring the unreadable emotion that flashed on Taeyong's face before the elder sighed. "You're never concerned that you'll get allergies when the wind blows?"

The black-haired boy shook his head. "Nope."

"You hide under a mask at this hot weather and I can see your sweat dripping down your neck so don't bother lying."

Sicheng fake-gasped with a spoon resting at the corner of his mouth and rolled his eyes "Well, I'm sorry. Better here than in the cafeteria where you'd be more stressed over me and Yuta-hyung would try to steal my food."

Taeyong didn't answer at first, blushing to the roots of his hair as he tried to understand what Sicheng has just said before covering his face. He always did that at the most random time whenever he was with the younger and Sicheng chalked it up to him being easily susceptible to cute things. Ten would try to pull aegyo on him that Taeyong would let whatever kind of trouble the other made slide, something that Sicheng is envious of with how Taeyong nags at him for every little thing he did that the elder found dangerous. He wants to live life to the fullest and a little flower petal won't stop him from doing so.

Sicheng continued talking as Taeyong is silent for the moment, choosing to make most of this to say what he wanted. "You did tell me a little fresh air is good once in a while to avoid enclosed spaces with too many people because the risk is smaller. Besides," he caught the elder's gaze and smiled at him when he recalled what Taeyong had promised between them, words that are in between actions that Sicheng didn't need to hear it from the elder's mouth "You're always there to take care of me, right?"

Taeyong doesn't reply and just returned the smile with his eyes turning to crescents to match the sweet curl of his lips.

They ate together in silence, Taeyong making sure to give more of his food to Sicheng's without a fuss and the younger humming into every bite he took that he never noticed how Taeyong sighed in content whenever he closed his eyes to relish the taste. The elder opened his mouth to say something but his phone rang to signal that lunch was over and their friends were probably looking for them to head to their respective classes. Taeyong clicked his tongue, cleaning up his things and he made sure to hand Sicheng a water bottle when he finished eating, closing the lunchbox with a pop that he was surprised the container didn't break. Sicheng may be skinny as well as sickly but he was still a growing boy who was too tall for his own good and oblivious to the world and the dangers it held.

But then again, that's what Taeyong was for: to protect Sicheng from anything that harmed him.

He looked at the arrangement of flowers around Sicheng's hair, bellflowers and purple carnations that contrast with his black hair that made them more vibrant in the light. Taeyong bit his lip at the thought of the person whose emotions bloomed on Sicheng, about how they meant trouble in ways that Taeyong doesn't wish to know if it meant keeping Sicheng away from harm's way, the dread that came as he thought about Sicheng growing clusters when he loses that person in a crowd in one mismatched timing while he would react badly to the small petals that would make it easier to get near his nose. Taeyong has these thoughts keeping him awake at night and praying to whatever god that might be out there to stop fate from ever making Sicheng and his-there's a dull throb of pain inside his chest at the word-soul mate cross paths.

Taeyong carded his fingers through his hair and felt the little dips where there once were flowers rooted to, the absence of them making him look down at the ground as they walked back to their friends. Sicheng doesn't pry at the sudden change of mood but he does walk closer to the elder, long fingers curling at the corner of the elder's cuff. It's in the silence that Taeyong looked at the younger from the corner of his eye, from the slope of his nose that dipped to those plump, pink lips that were curled in a content smile that his cheeks rounded enough that they looked so squishy he wanted to pinch them. He was so adorable, Taeyong thought to himself as he looked down at the weight on his jacket's cuff.

He held back the urge to hold Sicheng's hand.

\---

Sicheng has always been known as the boy allergic to flowers. It's the only thing that people seem to care about when they see him walking around with a mask during spring when flowers were blooming and everyone chalked it up to him being sick until they saw him in the clinic with his eyes having discoloration around them coughing up so much he had to hunch over his stomach. People looked at him differently after that, often hiding underneath fake smiles because they didn't want to make Sicheng set off into coughs with how they want to avoid paying any kind of hospital bill. They found him difficult to talk to with their judgment evident in their faces when he seemed to cover his mouth most of the times, calling him rude and useless with the way he was going to give his soul mate trouble at this rate. There were those who sent him their sympathies but the way they sigh in relief at the way they weren't as unfortunate as him made their words feel empty.

The Chinese boy didn't socialize, kept to his select friends and minded his business so much that everyone thought he was some sort of infamous figure that either did or didn't exist. It was hilarious because Sicheng had his flower crown still changing to his soul mate's emotion wherever they are as people talked bad about him in the vicinity that he'd stare at them before either Kun or Yuta came by to check on him.

He's grateful to his friends with the way they accepted him without making his allergies seem like a disability, even going to the point where they helped him whenever he had an allergy attack and the little things they did to help him stay healthy was something that Sicheng would always keep close to his heart until he died.

Taeyong, on the other hand, was different. Different in a way that people gave him a wide berth and second glances whenever he walked by, head held high as he went through his day's activities like the busy student he was. He was offered many scholarships, talent beyond anything that the school could comprehend they would prioritize his presence more than most students and he's a kind person who liked to offer a helping hand with everyone if needed. It didn't help that he was handsome in a way that people wondered how he was real from his bone structure, dark eyes and strong eyebrows that made you feel as if you're looking at someone straight out of a beautifully-crafted animation movie. He was perfect...almost perfect if it weren't for the lack of his flower crown.

"What are you thinking about?" Sicheng asked Taeyong as they hunched over the table working on his History textbook, notes thrown haphazardly around it half-opened while the elder blinked at him owlishly. He had gotten lost in his thoughts again about how his classmates asked him about Sicheng, citing that it must be tiring to care about someone who's set off by a little pollen. She had joked that maybe if she'll throw a little petal at Sicheng, he might die from it but her laughter vanished when Taeyong's face grew stormy and he was sneering at her, telling her how would she feel if she was told she should die over something she didn't have control over. She said it was just a joke, eyebrows furrowed at why Taeyong was so affected and he didn't reply to her, just walking away fuming. Yuta told him he looked like he was out to kill someone when he visited him in the dorm, Taeyong almost yelling at him to get out because he wasn't in the mood when Sicheng's head popped out from the doorway with a soft smile that faltered at the intense glare Taeyong was sporting.

So here he was, helping Sicheng with his anger simmering down to irritation with how the younger was poking his tongue at the corner of his lip at the words that he's still trying to understand and yelling out with a grin as he wrote it down to memorize later. Taeyong tilted his head with his cheek cradled on his jaw as he stared at the boy's eyelashes that fluttered when he blinked, the concentrated look on his face too cute to look away from and he thought about the first time he saw him in the crowd having a hard time breathing because someone bumped into him with their head directly at Sicheng's face. Taeyong could tell that he was hurting, his hand clutching his chest as he sneezed again and again that it sounded like he could pull his lungs out of his body with how much he was struggling and he didn't stop to think about it, rushing to help him to the clinic.

It was then he wanted to take care of this boy who looked at him with gratitude through watery eyes and a shaky smile as he drank the pills before he was handed an oxygen mask to help him breathe in the meantime. Taeyong couldn't really explain it but there's something drawing him to Sicheng since then that he had asked him about his medications, his prescriptions and whether or not he would comfortable with giving his number. Sicheng looked at him with mild worry at the sudden offer but he shrugged and did so, the milestone of how they would become almost attached to the hip even more than Sicheng and Kun did when they were roommates. More than Yuta and Ten who were foreigners sharing their experiences in a country they were unfamiliar with and Sicheng didn't question at the way Taeyong would call him to check or giving him schedules on when to drink some vitamins to help his body cope enough that he won't catch a cold after the allergies settle. Taeyong knew more about Sicheng's illness than the boy did that he'd always have a spot on observation whether he'd start to feel breathless when he catches the scent of flowers and even brought spare inhalers he carried everywhere.

But Sicheng...he didn't seem to realize that they met before the first few instances that they'd catch each other's eyes in the halls. It was always Sicheng moving away from the crowd to avoid everyone before Taeyong would lose him.

It was only when they finally shared a class, professor giving him the task to pair up with the only one who didn't have a partner at the time. Taeyong recalled looking at Sicheng who was twisting a spool of red yarn in his hands as the rest of the students chattered with their partners for a project that had something to do with the Japanese red string of fate. The elder walked over to where Sicheng was who had managed to let go of the yarn as it unraveled out of its spool and it ended on Taeyong's feet. He was aware of Sicheng's curious gaze as he rolled it up around his fingers, walking closer to him as the younger looked up at him with those eyes that didn't show anything but the childlike gleam of curiosity that Taeyong hasn't seen in years. It's not malicious, not curious just to see the things that were wrong about him. Just the same way a child would assess a situation and he can't help the shy smile that overcame his face.

Sicheng beat him to speaking first, tilting his head "Are you mine?"

Taeyong's heart skipped and he didn't even stop the "I'm yours," spilling out of his mouth before he can correct Sicheng's word usage and the smile that broke out of those red lips haunted his dreams for the days to come.

There's a finger poking his nose that he blinked out of his thoughts and Sicheng's amused smile is greeting him as he withdrew his hand away from Taeyong's face. He straightened, blushing when he realized that he had been staring. Sicheng laughed at his reddening ears and said "Oh, hyung. You're always so distracted. But I really need to finish this reading about Macedonia or I'll fail. You've been spacing out so much that I wonder what's got you so out of sorts."

Taeyong snapped back a curt "Fine, fine. Let me explain it to you." He started to get lost in the subject presented while Sicheng nodded with explanation, asking little question here and there before he scribbled down the things that he found important.

If Taeyong answered Sicheng's accusation of what was distracting him, he would have not stopped revealing that it was all Sicheng who had his head blank and his heart thumping too fast for him to keep up. He'd look over at Sicheng when he's talking about the civilization that he'd falter on what he could have delivered with so much flourish if a teacher asked him in front of a class but Sicheng would catch his gaze and he wouldn't look away, sparkling with happiness that Taeyong's throat went dry.

He didn't tell Sicheng that even when the younger asked him again what he was thinking. Taeyong's too busy telling his heart to calm down while he continued blabbering to the clueless boy.

\---

 He held onto him, hands rubbing comforting circles as the younger vomited into the toilet bowl in heart-wrenching retches that made it feel like he was trying to expel his lungs with every breath. Taeyong counted in his head to twenty then back again every time Sicheng let out more liquid to spit out, hands never stopping their movement even when the boy often hunched lower with the force of his vomiting. He looked up to the light on the ceiling and wondering why his vision is blurry.

"Winwin, I told you not to eat that bibimbap. It was expired and it was even on the label that you can't consume it after ten months. You've had that for two years," he scolded him, sighing when Sicheng raised a finger as if to answer and looking up to Taeyong with tears running down his eyes at the pain in his stomach and he lurched, cheeks puffing before he spat out more muck-colored substance that used to be that convenience store bibimbap that he had the unfortunate luck of eating "It'll be over soon so just expel it all."

Taeyong tried to sound calm, he really did but the combination of seeing Sicheng in pain and the flowers that always made him think about things that drifted away from what was considered platonic. Situations in where the flowers would reflect Taeyong's moods throughout the day, little blossoms of acacia and crocus that Sicheng would carry through the day and Taeyong having his own that would show Sicheng's in the arrangement of white clovers and delphiniums before they'd finally bump into each other and know, just know they were meant to be together. However, as Sicheng took heaving gasps to even his breathing, Taeyong began to think about if he'd miss Sicheng if he were his soul mate, he'd be putting him in danger and that without his flowers, he wouldn't be able to keep Sicheng's face tucked on his neck to protect him because he might set off an allergic bout. He is being bombarded of visions of Sicheng on a hospital bed, breathing through an oxygen mask and the heart monitor going slower and slower before he is struck with Sicheng rejecting him and he dug his nails on the boy's back without thinking.

Sicheng jolted at the sudden pain, whipping his head at Taeyong who only realizes his mistake and lifted his hands away from the younger's back in surprise. "I'm so sorry," he said, ashamed that he let his thoughts get the best of him again "You need anything?"

The younger wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, sniffling and smacked his lips a little to get rid of the dryness he felt on the seam before answering "Water, please," in a croaky voice, broken and breathless after his endeavor not that different to his normal allergy-induced sneezes and Taeyong's heart tightened "Are you mad at me?"

Taeyong should be, from how stubborn Sicheng was at the bibimbap that he ate even after he had been told not to, the way he always looked at Taeyong with so much trust it was blinding and he would listen to most of his instructions even if it meant that he had to gloss over some details to the universe being a total ugly moron for making Taeyong fall for someone that could never be his just because of some stupid flower crown he didn't own. Taeyong was mad at Sicheng's soul mate, mad at himself for not keeping his guard up around the boy to save him from those heartwarming smiles and sparkling eyes and he was mad at the flower crown that dictated this world on who may or may not be yours to keep. Being Sicheng’s soul mate didn’t mean that the younger would stop being allergic, being Sicheng soul mate didn’t give a guarantee that he’d be there to take care of Sicheng in times where he really needed him. Unfair, unfair, unfair. That’s all there is to it.

Taeyong is mad at a lot of things. But never at Sicheng and he smiled at the boy, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and said "I'll get some water."

He walked out, heart heavier than he wanted it to be.

It's the same feeling that came when he held Sicheng close, warm breath making goose bumps rise on his neck as he kept his stare on the stage where Ten is moving fluidly to the music with his flower crown reflecting the pinks and blues of the spotlights around him. The smell of flowers is more stagnant here, sweat that mingled with the floral aroma making a sickly miasma cloud that even Taeyong sometimes found solace in the strawberry scent that came from Sicheng's hair. The younger peeked once or twice when the crowd yelled at a particularly sensual move that Ten made before he ducked back down without knowing his lips had started to brush against Taeyong's burning skin, fingers gripping the elder's jacket for a semblance of comfort.

Yuta's words started to come back to him, little jabs of being seen as nothing more than a parental figure and Taeyong bit back the bitter laugh that was threatening to climb out his throat.

\---

Sicheng is in the hospital.

The words made him drop the books he was carrying to class with eyes wide as he took in the frazzled appearance that Jaehyun was sporting like the younger had ran across campus to find him with Doyoung behind him. He's late for his Biology lecture by fifteen minutes that even if he sprinted to the lecture hall, the door would be closed but the moment that sentence came out of Jaehyun's mouth when he stood in front of him made every other thought fly off.

He gulped, heart thumping as he laughed nervously "Jae, that's funny. Did Yuta put you up to this again? I'm running late." It's okay, it's okay, he chanted in his head even when all he can imagine is Sicheng in an operating room not breathing and he shook it away. His friends had done this before, had managed to fool him into thinking Sicheng suffered an allergy enough that he had been carried by an ambulance. It was a horrifying experience when he listed down the things that could be cause of Sicheng's so-called bout of allergies, ranging from having someone shove flowers to their face or worse-Taeyong had almost cried then, his soul mate had brushed past him and left him for dead. Needless to say, when he found Sicheng in his dorm room eating cold chicken and merely raising a brow at him kicking the door open after Yuta and Jaehyun told him to get some of Sicheng's personal records, he had collapsed to the younger's lap and hid the intense relief he had by telling Sicheng to always be careful. Yuta got to clean the courtyard when Taeyong ratted him out when they saw each other the next day and Jaehyun had his hair dyed temporarily to a bright blue that his flowers were tinted with it even when he washed it off ten times.

But the panic in Jaehyun's face and the marigolds that had all but taken over the crown on Doyoung's head only made him worry even more. Doyoung didn't look any better, worried expression that mirrored Jaehyun's that if he wasn't trying to calm the younger down, Jaehyun would have marigolds around his head as well instead of the ox eye daisies and white poppies. Doyoung turned to Taeyong, sighing "Yuta was with him in the ambulance when he called me. You weren't answering so he called me instead," he pursed his lips "He said Winwin just started to cough violently after he drank the samples from this new tea shop? The staff thought he choked on something in the tea but he started to convulse and-"

Taeyong recalled the text Sicheng sent him about Yuta and him hanging out, a little envious that he couldn't come because he had a class that time and he furrowed his brows before his mind connected the pieces, gritting his teeth "That stupid little-" he muttered before he grabbed both Jaehyun and Doyoung by their arms "Where is he admitted? I swear to god, Yuta doesn't even try to think about the hazards before he brings Winwin anywhere and look what he's done!" the two stared at him in silence, unsure if they should agree with him or not "He could've just brought an inhaler or even some medicine! There's a reason why Winwin has to carry those around!"

Taeyong ranted about Yuta's negligence the entire time they took a taxi to get to the hospital, Doyoung glaring at the elder as he voiced out his concerns to no one in particular in a loud voice that made people stare at him in annoyance. When they were a block away from the hospital and Taeyong had started to list down the properties of medicine from Sicheng's prescription, Doyoung yelled out "Not everyone has that memorized like you! Calm down!"

The elder scoffed. "Well, it pays to be careful!"

"Well, sorry if we don't pass to your standards of careful." Doyoung snapped, already irritated at the elder overreacting over something that they always knew would happen eventually but instead of Taeyong accompanying Sicheng, Yuta had managed to cause more trouble by wanting to spend time with his friend. Mistakes happen but Doyoung realized it wasn't just Yuta that Taeyong's angry about.

"What does _that_ mean?" Taeyong retorted, irked at the tone that Doyoung was using with him as the taxi came to stop at the curb in front of the hospital. It's understandable why he's upset-Sicheng could die, he's worried sick that he might vomit and the lack of understanding from both Doyoung and Jaehyun(who had kept quiet) is making him think that they don't care about Sicheng's condition. He's been through every moment where Sicheng was crying at how his throat hurt like sandpaper was rubbing inside when he couldn't stop coughing because spring had rolled in and he wasn't wearing his face mask, he held Sicheng close to help him get away from the mingling pollen and petals that wafted through the bus' interior even if people stared at him for it and he carried Sicheng on his back when he got sick with the flu but had thought it was a good idea to go to class, sneezing harder than usual because of his illness that Taeyong had wanted the flu to transfer to him if it meant to end Sicheng's suffering.

He hated seeing the boy in any form of pain. It's simple as that.

But Doyoung is thinking otherwise with how he's stomping out the taxi after paying the driver, spinning on his heel to look Taeyong in the eye jabbing a finger at the latter's chest. "Listen to yourself. You keep going on and on how we should be doing this and that like you're know what's best for Winwin. He's not a child, Taeyong. He's a functioning adult that also needs to make mistakes and grow up without you holding his hand every step of the way! I can't believe you expect us to know his medication, expect us to act like Winwin is in critical condition when it could be curable! We don't love Winwin as much as you do so stop trying to act like you're doing this for the sake of friendship!"

Jaehyun patted his soul mate's shoulder, saying "Calm down, that's enough," in a scolding tone as he led Doyoung to walk forward into the hospital lobby but he lagged behind for a minute to talk to Taeyong. The elder huffed, ready for whatever Jaehyun had to say but the younger merely said "You really should do something with that temper. Doyoung-hyung is just...tired, I guess? Like the rest of us when you get angry for no reason. Either you fix it or we will."

Taeyong opened his mouth, eyes looking around to escape the knowing look that Jaehyun is giving him. "I don't think you understand."

"Well, I don't think you do either." the younger replied, walking up to Doyoung's side while  Taeyong followed them two steps behind thinking about what Jaehyun is implying. There's only one thing that Taeyong knew to do about his feelings: swallow them down in fear.

When he entered the room and Sicheng looked at him a small smile despite the discolorations underneath his eyes, he couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him that he almost tripped when he rushed over Sicheng's side. "Are you alright?" he whispered, ignoring the piercing stare that's digging into his back from the rest of the people in the room.

Sicheng nodded, oblivious to the tension in the room and he opened his mouth, a strange croaking sound coming out that he slapped his hand over out of embarrassment. Taeyong laughed at the blush that's threatening to overcome Sicheng's face. The younger cleared his throat even if it sounded like he was being strangled and said "F-fine" with difficulty. Yuta rushed over to give him a glass of water and bumping on Taeyong's shoulder when he handed it to Sicheng, narrowing his eyes at the elder while Sicheng drank to relieve his throat.

Yuta slung an arm around Taeyong and turned around so the younger wouldn't hear, clicking his tongue once they faced the others "You better not try to go crazy and ground him out of any social interaction he has left," he whispered harshly, almost spitting at Taeyong's face.

"What the hell, Yuta?" he hissed back.

"No, what the hell, Taeyong? He drank a cherry blossom that wasn't supposed to be in his tea and it got to his nose that he started coughing and woo-wee, I forgot to have Taeyong's kit of healing or something that's why we're in the hospital," Yuta started to rant without letting Taeyong try to explain himself, the back of his hand slapping on the other with force that he must really want to bruise Taeyong "He was about to call you too but I knew-I just knew-"

Sicheng's voice broke the silence, soft enough that it wouldn't strain his voice too much "Hyung, are-aren't you late a-already?" he coughed into his palm, Taeyong already wiggling out of Yuta's grip to pat the younger's back to help him.

He smiled, not wanting to worry Sicheng when he needed to recover without having any kind of stress on him "You know I'd always put you first, right? I'm already a teacher's pet so maybe they'll let it slide."

Sicheng nodded with a teasing glint in his eyes that showed how much he didn't believe Taeyong but he settled with meeting the elder's gaze with bright smile. "Okay," his voice sounded forced, painful to listen to that Taeyong tutted at him.

"Seriously, rest. I told you to carry around things for emergencies but you got excited with your date with Yuta, huh?" he joked, laughing a little too loudly at his own quip that he looked at the boy in question and Hansol is rolling his eyes in amusement. Yuta raised a brow at him and with the sweet peas and blue violets adorning his head, Hansol doesn't take offence. Everyone was a little fond of Sicheng after all but the words that Taeyong said made Doyoung smirk at him.

"So, what did the doctors say?" Jaehyun asked as he turned to Yuta, staring at the way Taeyong is helping Sicheng in little ways. The elder took the glass and placed it to the table, coming back to fluff the pillows and arrange the covers as if Sicheng was a child who didn't know what to do.

"They said it was bad but it wasn't the worst case scenario. He just got some pollen lodged to his airways and they cleaned it out already. They're surprised he's managed to live this long with just a few incidents like this. Called it some sort of miracle."

Doyoung merely shook his head, seeing Taeyong use the back of his hand to brush off a petal that was sticking to Sicheng's forehead. "More like someone devoting themselves to his beck and call without saying a word."

Hansol gave him a light punch to the shoulder, not liking how the rest of them were acting over this whole ordeal, "I hope you understand that it's not easy for Taeyong dealing with this."

"He'll deal with this until the actual soul mate comes and ruins everything." Yuta hissed, loud enough that Taeyong would hear but the latter was preoccupied with telling Sicheng about the things he needed to do after he went back to his dorm.

Jaehyun pursed his lips at what Yuta said "He won't talk."

"That's why he's stuck in the same place until he starts to realize actions sometimes don't work when Winwin is concerned."

 

Taeyong hoped that his friends were praying somewhere because he would strangle them when he found them.

It's never a good thing to leave him with Sicheng alone especially when he's more likely to let his feelings run amok without anything holding him back and the chances of him just blurting out whatever he felt would be high that he had to bite his tongue when something close to like came to his mind.

Sicheng doesn't seem to see the problem, smiling to Taeyong as the elder fed him some soup and promising to himself that when the younger felt better, he would cook him some dish that was better than hospital food. He cited that he would never subject Sicheng to healthy but bland dishes and he'd laugh at the serious expression on Taeyong's face, cupping his palms to his mouth to hide it but his eyes are upturned to crescents and his smile slipped out with how wide it was that Taeyong can see the happiness, see the brightness of Sicheng's mood.

He laughed with him because his heart is about to burst with the adoration he held for someone he couldn't have.

It's like a slow torture when Sicheng looked at him as if he hung the stars, relied on him that he'd always feel as if Sicheng was his. His to care for, his to cherish and his to love even when the truth is painfully apparent in both their faces.

Taeyong was left to look over Sicheng who couldn't sleep in hospitals due to discomfort and the only way for him to be able to is have someone sleep with him. It could have been Yuta or Jaehyun but the two decided that Taeyong would be a better candidate. He already was head caretaker of sorts so what's a little cuddling going to do?

He swore those two were rolling their eyes at him when he refused before they dragged their soul mates out the room.

The way Sicheng held to him, face buried on his hair that every time he exhaled Taeyong would be hyperaware of the heartbeat that's next to his ear and he's not sure when his own thundered in his in tune to the rhythm of Sicheng's.

He mouthed three words to himself, only he could even hear them as them as they echoed in his head wishing he could say them out loud.

_I love you._

\---

"Hyung, do you think my soul mate would accept me?"

Taeyong's heart lurched in his chest that he held a hand over it in fear that it might jump out any minute. He looked at the boy next to him and leaning to the bark of the large tree they always hung out around as gulped down the disapproval that's threatening to bubble out of his mouth. He schooled his frown into a semi-pleasant expression, putting down the book he was reading.

He settled with asking "I accept you, don't I?" and he couldn't retract his statement fast enough for Sicheng to turn to him with a small nod. Seeing that he's already said that, he managed to say "Your friends accept that you're allergic and we all want to take care of you to make sure you don't go back to the hospital again, right?"

Another nod, the younger placing his chin on his palms and pursing his lips to listen to Taeyong.

"You're very unique, Winwin. Just because you have something other people don't believe fits their idea of normal doesn't mean that you're wrong. You're made for someone and that someone doesn't deserve you if they can't see beyond your flowers," There's something inside Taeyong screaming for him to shut up, to keep everything buried inside him before he managed to confess every bit of his feelings to Sicheng who doesn't even know how much he's holding back for the sake that it's something Sicheng wanted, this soul mate bullshit. Taeyong felt like drowning in the unsaid words and tired from the actions he had always known would never get him very far when Sicheng doesn't even see him. He still smiled when Sicheng blinked at him and kept that expression when the younger leaned on his shoulder.

The lavender and violet heathers were making him a little dizzy with their overpowering scents, their petals brushing his cheek that it didn't calm him down amidst the sigh that Sicheng made. Taeyong recognized the strawberry shampoo, the hint of jasmine cologne that he never remembered Sicheng owned and he made up the mind to lean his head on Sicheng's hair.

"Hyung, why don't you hate soul mates? Why don't you get angry at people when they taunt you about not having a flower crown? I don't get it because-" Sicheng gulped, burrowing his face on the fabric of Taeyong's shirt, voice coming out muffled but Taeyong can still hear it "I hate when they do it. I hate them so much."

Stop that stupid fluttering, Taeyong wanted to punch his heart.

He shrugged even if it disturbed Sicheng perched on his shoulder and replied "Sometimes it doesn't matter to me that they do," he chuckled at the few words thrown his way that only meant one thing: unfortunate to be alone without anyone to lean to, "But a soul mate isn't just someone who would be there for you when you need it."

"Hm?"

Taeyong wrapped an arm around Sicheng when he realized that the younger was starting to fall asleep and continued what he was saying "Sometimes I feel like you don't have just one soul mate. It's not about the predestined flowers that lead you to the one that would be there for you until you die, it's not about whose emotions are around your head. Have you ever wondered how unfair it is to fall in love with someone and know that you're not what the world had made for them," he closed his eyes and thought about Sicheng's smile the first time they met even if he had to cough over the medicine, trying to keep composure even when he was in pain "Is it okay to love someone when they're not yours and you're not theirs?"

His hand is being enveloped in another, long fingers intertwining between his that he looked down at Sicheng who’s struggling to keep his eyes open. The younger looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, sleepiness evident but he sent a slow smile that had Taeyong's stomach flooding with caterpillars with how he wanted to vomit out his feelings. "Hyung, who wouldn't fall in love with you, soul mate or not?" it's something that Taeyong doesn't expect, hushed tone that slipped towards the end before Sicheng murmured something in Chinese he couldn't understand before he finally shut his eyes.

The elder is dumbfounded, torn between waking the boy up to ask him more about what he meant with that and let him sleep so Taeyong could rearrange his thoughts to be able to face him when he's more aware of his surroundings. He looked up to the people walking by, their flowers bright colors against their hair while their smiles almost felt like they could paint the world in a happiness that Taeyong knew was something he might only have in wishful thinking. He looked over their joined hands, lifting them up to press a kiss to Sicheng's knuckles before he held it with his other hand.

I love you, he mouthed against Sicheng's fingers. He didn't care that someone could see because there will always be eyes on them with the rumors that flit around campus, about a lonely flower crown-less knight who took care of a sickly boy whose flower crown brought him more harm than blessing where the knight would be abandoned the moment the sickly boy found the one who would be there to take care of him even after how much the knight loved him. It's not about how Sicheng reacted to Taeyong's care for him when he wasn't feeling well because everyone could see that with the years that come and go, it's becoming more obvious that Taeyong is in love. Like a broken record that needs fixing, something about Taeyong's actions and his reactions where even at the first time you see Sicheng and Taeyong interact anyone would be able to tell the bond between them that isn't as platonic as they try to pass it off as when prompted. Feelings are messy, like glue that leaves marks on your paper when you try to stick something and pull it away immediately that you might risk ripping the paper. It's something that as time passes by, the attachment becomes harder to break away from that trying to detach from it only ends up hurting you and the other person.

Taeyong's feelings grew worse with everything that Sicheng did, made his heart thump like it wants to break his rib cage when the younger always seemed to put his whole trust to him and the careless little words of how he was the favorite, how he was the one who'd Sicheng always calls when he needs consolation and the simple I-like-you-the-mosts that Taeyong didn't need if he was to move on.

"I wish you'd never change," he whispered, holding Sicheng's hand tighter that he saw the furrow of the latter's brows and the bouquet around his head made him think about a mess that's being cleaned up, white lilacs that seemed to be mocking him along with the moonflowers and bits of rosemaries that he ran a finger over "Just pretend like I'm your soulmate until you find the one you're looking for, alright? Let me take care of you and cherish you and love you-" he choked on the sob that came from the back of his throat and nudged Sicheng to get him to a more comfortable position "Do you even know how I feel?"

The only answer he got was Sicheng tightening his hold on his hand.

\---

There are moments where Sicheng's gaze lingered on Taeyong.

It's at times when the elder was too busy worrying for his health to realize, fidgeting around to pick up whatever medicine or necessity that Sicheng needed to calm his allergies down. Taeyong who wouldn't be able to see the way Sicheng is staring at him as if he carried the answers to the universe, dark eyes sparkling whenever the elder would tell him that he was worried or that he wanted Sicheng to recover faster and the tiny smile that he made was something that everyone had become accustomed to that they'd know what Sicheng was thinking about.

The younger would always gravitate to Taeyong when he entered the room, trying to make it look as if he wasn't waiting for him and acting ignorant of the eyes on them when Taeyong tugged him closer to avoid the pollen blowing his direction that he'd go as far as letting Taeyong cover his mouth with a handkerchief for him. It's done completely without any prompting that Sicheng would be surprised of how fast Taeyong acted in concern for him and always managed to run to him so he could feel that safety blanket wrapping around him immediately.

It was evident that Sicheng preferred Taeyong more from his other friends, not out of malice really but it was the aspect that Sicheng trusted him most.

Yuta was the first one to notice, always seeming to be in tune with things concerning Sicheng's inability to feel his surroundings that Yuta wanted to have a look out for him. Yuta's more experienced when it came to social situations and the language barrier is nothing to him now that he can pick up anything that was amiss. He was always the one who'd try to wheedle out the awkwardness around Sicheng as a way to help him, trying to help the younger feel as welcomed as he could.

So the Japanese boy had bounded over to his dorm room one evening with a plastic container that looked steamed on its surface with how warm the food was inside, hugging the younger enough that the crown of amaryllis around his hair wouldn't touch him and exclaiming "Winwin-ah~! Wanna try some of the takoyaki I made?"

Sicheng had been studying for his midterms then, walking back and forth with a book perched on his head as he said the key words with their meanings again and again before Yuta had barged in and made him lose balance of the item that it hit the floor with a thud. He huffed, picking it up and staring at the container. "You made that?"

"Yep!"

There's a sour look that crossed the younger's face and he recoiled a bit. " _You **really** made **that?**_ "

It earned him a smack on the arm and the aroma of vegetables and mayonnaise hitting him on the face when Yuta opened the container, staring down at the balls of dough that's browned just right and drizzled with stripes of white liquid. The elder looked proud of it that Sicheng didn't want to say anything that might hurt his feelings...except Sicheng then remembered this was Yuta. So he gave him the same sour look except he started to scowl. Yuta didn't like it, as expected. "Seriously. I went to give you some first before I give it to Hansol. Try some!"

"Is this a ploy for me to be the lab rat so your soul mate wouldn't be the one dying due to poisoning?"

Yuta's smile is straining and he looked ready to hit Sicheng again. "You know hyung loves you too much to kill you, Winwin," Sicheng rolled his eyes to which Yuta then added, "I mean, if anyone tried to kill you, I'd be the second to maul them after Taeyong gets to them first with a sledgehammer for hurting the love of his life."

The mere mention of Taeyong's name had sent a blush painting across Sicheng's cheeks without warning, eyes looking down to the food presented to him. This wasn't anything new to Yuta that Sicheng turned quiet when that name popped out of nowhere and he'd start teasing Sicheng about putting Taeyong in the friend-zone but then Sicheng started biting his lip out of nervousness as he looked around, as if expecting someone to pop out any minute. Yuta raised a brow at that. "I'm not poisoning you. What kind of hell spawn do you take me for?"

Sicheng didn't answer, busy picking up a takoyaki and stuffing it to his face, followed by another that his cheeks puffed out.

"Aish. I know what you're trying to do, you brat. Chew all that and talk to me like a man." he scolded, rubbing a stain of mayonnaise on the corner of Sicheng's lips and clicking his tongue at the way the younger was acting. He placed the container down just as Sicheng swallowed the food, rubbing his oily fingers on the end of his old shirt. He licked his lips, eyes shaking as they darted around the place to avoid Yuta's scrutinizing gaze. The silence dragged on, Sicheng fidgeting with him pulling at his fingers and Yuta just standing as he waited for the younger.

After another minute of them just doing nothing, Yuta laughed out loud that it startled Sicheng. He clapped his hands and pointed at the latter with a leer, "Is this because you're the love of Taeyong's life? It's just a joke, Winwin. He's just whi-" the last word dragged as he saw the crestfallen look that came on Sicheng's face and he finished the "-pped" lamely when it looked like Sicheng was forcing a smile.

"Right, right. Jokes, huh." he pursed his lips, rubbing his mouth before he turned away from Yuta and stalked to his room to put away his book, the elder rubbing his face where he still stood.

The realization dawned on him when Sicheng didn't come back and locked himself in his room that Yuta's mouth dropped open.

It was like a domino effect after that with Yuta refusing to keep his mouth shut because the revelation is too much to keep secret. He grabbed Hansol, Taeil, Jaehyun, Doyoung and Ten into their usual cafeteria table on the time he knew that both Taeyong and Sicheng had different classes that made it impossible for them to be outside their classroom and interrupt this meeting that would be crucial to the future of the two. Hansol had sighed when he realized by the celadines that had overcome his crown that Yuta was adamant about whatever idea he has in his head and he, for some reason, thought it would be crucial to the whole group to know the gossip he held and it would make them happy.

So they huddled around the table, Doyoung whispering to Jaehyun that if this was some bullshit that Yuta probably discovered while he was off in the bathroom again, he shouldn't stop the elder from kicking Yuta in the nuts. Taeil hushed them both when they laughed, Hansol trying to get this over with while Ten is the only one who seemed interested in what Yuta has to say. The host of this whole charade is standing on his chair with a foot on the edge of the table like some dictator and a hand on his hip.

With a flourish of his arm, he proclaimed "Dong Sicheng has professed his love for his knight."

The groaning around him is loud and Doyoung is already dragging out of his chair to deliver his threat but Yuta swung his arms to cross them by the elbows before swinging them out again to signal everyone to calm down. Ten started to shout over Doyoung's threats about what drugs Yuta was on while Taeil, ever the respectful hyung of the bunch, tried to regain order.

Hansol is the one who shuts everyone's noise out when he piped up beside him with an incredolous look on his face. "Are you saying Winwin likes Taeyong?" Yuta clapped, nodding and urging Hansol to continue his train of thought. "Then there's really nothing much to it than wait for them to just tell each other that."

The happiness in Yuta's face melted into a scowl and Hansol's flowers shifted into bellflowers that everyone stopped to stare at him. "Do you think they'll ever progress if we let them continue doing what they've been doing since the start? No!"

Jaehyun sighed, shaking his head and perching his chin on his palm "You really think that telling them both to get their heads out of their bubble of emotional constipation going to fix things? It's not that easy."

"Which is why I-"

Hansol immediately placed a hand on Yuta's mouth. "No, we're not using any shitty manga or anime to follow just to get them to confess. It doesn't work that way, Yuta."

That was the end of that conversation. They had nothing to do with whatever would entail because Taeil had insisted that yes, Taeyong and Sicheng did have matters to settle however, it was between them. If they as much as interfered, they might make things worse in a way that Taeyong would take it as a personal offence that they're pitying him after they realized how miserable he has been these past weeks. They saw the dark circles under Taeyong's eyes and the way he scratched his nails against the indentions left by the uprooting of his flower crown like a nervous habit that they knew he was stressed more so than usual. He couldn't face Sicheng without trying to put up a tired smile so he could ease the worried furrow of Sicheng's brow and he'd never fail to remind them about taking care of their health (giving more attention on listing Sicheng's medications because he had still managed to know Sicheng had forgotten he was running low.)

Words that he couldn't say were eating him away, lingering stares that lasted longer than usual and looking as if he wanted to say something to the point he'd open his mouth but closed it immediately the moment Sicheng's flower crown shifted.

In turn, Sicheng stayed quiet. He kept his gaze on the elder when he felt like the other was too absorbed in his work to notice him, Taeyong stumbling sometimes because he couldn't stay awake and he'd almost run to him if it wasn't Kun dragging him back by the arm with a shake of his head.

He'd asky why and Kun would merely reply that Taeyong needed time. Sleep evaded Sicheng with those words echoing in his head, tossing and turning in his bed in the middle of the night before he'd reach over his phone to read over Taeyong's name in his contacts wondering if he was still awake that he'd let his thumb hover over the call button. It would be selfish of him to call the elder when he needed sleep the most, the idea of Taeyong telling him it's nothing as he told Sicheng to go to sleep in that blank tone he opted to do when he didn't want to elaborate his thoughts.

It's one of those nights, Sicheng nibbling on his tongue staring at the call button if he should or should not disturb Taeyong at one in the morning to ask him if he was alright. It wouldn't really help that the younger was in the convenience store buying ice cream when he wasn't really advised to go out at this time of night. The dorms didn't have stict rules about him walking around but Kun had always said that he should be careful about the dangers of the night. Still, Sicheng wanted matcha cookie dough ice cream after Taeyong had sent him a picture of it out of the blue, his chest fluttering when he read that when the elder wasn't busy, he'll hang out with him for the movies.

Sicheng opened the freezer's sliding door, reaching out to the tub of ice cream when there's a spike of pain in his head that made him step backwards. He hissed as he placed his hands on his crown while hot pain seared through every nerve ending near the cluster of flowers, his entire being yelling for him to rip the flowers out of his head before he screamed at the new wave of pain that made him taste copper in the back of his throat.  He coughed, unsure of what's going on and blindly clutching at air to find something to use as leverage. He managed to hit the side of his head on the glass of the fridge that had shut in the process before the pain came back heavier than before that he lost balance right into-

"Winwin."

There's a quick flash of images in his head, snippets of violet flowers that dotted his wrists and white hospital rooms that morphed to a tall male with orange lilies and marigolds that had their back to him before he squeezed his eyes shut to see the snapshots of him running after this tall person except-he's not at the same time, standing and looking over the two figures holding hands before he's being shaken awake that he found himself in front of the bus stop and stared into Taeyong's worried eyes.

How- "When did you get here?" he asked out of confusion, breathless from the assault on his senses and the shock of what he just seen that Taeyong mistook it as an allergy attack. The elder dug into his bag to pull out an inhaler, worried face seemingly glued to his face as he forced the nozzle between Sicheng's lips and the younger taking calculated breaths to try and calm his mind. When he had regained his normal breathing, he asked again. "Hyung, what are we doing here?"

Taeyong rolled his eyes, laughing a little as he pocketed the inhaler. "Shouldn't I be asking you why you're outside your dorm at this hour without putting a mask on?" he handed over a medical mask that's inside a plastic bag that Sicheng immediately took out and looped the strings over his ears before he fixed it so it was tucked under his chin just in case. It's routine between them that Sicheng blinked when he realized that Taeyong was carrying an inhaler and mask out of nowhere.

"Why do you carry-"

"I always carry them around," Taeyong admitted without missing a beat, hand fixing his hair and looked over Sicheng with a sheepish look on his face "It's a force of habit."

Sicheng gulped at the casual way Taeyong said it like it was something that wasn't a big deal. He always did this, the simplest assurances and caring he'd give Sicheng that made him wonder if there is something more to it. Ten would casually quip that Taeyong was almost as good as his soul mate without the label around Sicheng and Yuta, teasing look that never failed to make the younger stare dumbly at him while he fiddled with his fingers to keep himself quiet.

Sicheng didn't know if it was appropriate to just say to Taeyong that he liked him.

Perhaps it's because he's staring too much at Taeyong's profile from the slope of his nose to the dips of his lips that parted to breathe out clouds of air from the cold, the furrow in his brows when he ducked down at the sudden wind that blew past them and the headlights of a bus from the distance and then Sicheng realized that Taeyong wasn't going to board it back home. It's a tingling feeling that washed over him from his head to his toes, heart beating faster as he realized that the back of Taeyong's hand was against his and he knew, he just did, that Taeyong wasn't going home unless he had made sure Sicheng was.

Because it's not the first time he did it. But it's the first time Sicheng had let himself _think_ about it.

"Sicheng?"

His real name, not the nickname he's grown so accustomed to hearing, coming out of Taeyong's mouth is enough to jar Sicheng that he felt dizzy. He didn't realize he's leaning on Taeyong, face clouded with his conflicting thoughts that Taeyong reached out to hold him by placing his arm around him. It made Sicheng more aware, the warmth and the feeling of comfort that's surrounding him with Taeyong close.

He's leaning forward before he realized, lips pressed on the corner of Taeyong's mouth and then hugging him close to hide the overwhelming feelings that's threatening to burst out of his chest. Fear of destroying something precious, elation that he could finally come in terms that maybe he did like Taeyong a lot more than he should and the anticipation of what Taeyong would do that he knew good or bad would still make him cry. It's nights filled of confusion about his feelings and days he's forcing himself to stay oblivious to anything more to save himself.

There are arms around him, holding him tighter before he felt Taeyong press his face on Sicheng's collar and the latter felt the sensation of something wet against his skin as sobs wrecked Taeyong's body. He loosened his hold but there are hands on his jaw as he stared at the top of Taeyong's head where the elder had placed his forehead on Sicheng's chest even if it meant hunching over awkwardly.

Taeyong is shivering, shoulders shaking with every breath he made that's punctured by the wayward sobs that came and went. Sicheng doesn't know what to do because he can feel tears about to fall from his eyes, thinking it was something he had done wrong.

But then Taeyong looked up, the relief on his tear-stained face with a suppressed smile he had been trying to keep because he's as overwhelmed as Sicheng was. The elder let his fingers stroke Sicheng's jaw before he finally let go, putting some distance to wipe his eyes.

They don't speak.

But Sicheng allows himself to intertwine his fingers with Taeyong's that sent another teary smile that had him pulling the elder closer to wipe them away.

They walk back to the dorms like that, Sicheng and Taeyong pressed arm to arm and their hands tightly gripping each other afraid of breaking this moment. There's a kiss on Sicheng's cheek when they stood on the doorway, blushing at the action as Taeyong looked down while he fixed the mask so it was over Sicheng's nose and mouth.

"See you tomorrow?" Taeyong whispered, voice cracked before Sicheng nodded. The elder reluctantly let go of his hand, walking away and waving at him before he disappeared in the corner.

Sicheng didn't react when Kun asked him looking half-asleep in the morning, "You look like some weight got off you. Good dream?"

It wasn't a dream.

(Everyone didn't even comment about Taeyong kissing Sicheng's forehead the moment he reached the cafeteria and blushing afterwards when he realized that there were other people in the table. They did, however, stared at Yuta when the two were away from ear shot with suspicious looks.

Yuta rolled his eyes, "Don't look at me. I had a grand plan but looks like they didn't need it.")

**Author's Note:**

> bellflower - disappointment, loss  
> purple carnation - capriciousness, whimsical, changeable, unreliability  
> acacia - secret love  
> crocus - youthful joy, love, abuse not, Lupercalia  
> white clovers - I promise  
> delphiniums - levity, fun, big-hearted, ardent attachment, joy  
> marigold - pain and grief  
> ox-eye daisies - patience  
> white poppies - consolation, dreams, modern, peace  
> sweetpeas - you have my thanks  
> blue violets - faithfulness  
> lavender - devotion, distrust  
> violet heathers - solitude, beauty, admiration  
> amaryllis - pride  
> celadine - joys to come  
> cherry blossom - a good education
> 
> (P.S. I read all your comments and I really appreciate every single one of them. I'm scared of saying the wrong thing so please understand if I reply to some and not to others. A lot of personal problems have been happening so I'm just writing my feelings away. Anyways! Thank you for reading and leave kudos and comments if you liked it!)


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